Welcome to another entry to my series of ‘Crap Poems’.
With the news in the media being so bleak, and the weather impacting my joints pretty badly, I’ve found myself struggling to hold it together recently. Most days are tearful, with an internal struggle to decipher what’s most important – brain, bills, body or being a good parent and partner. At the moment I’m failing on all counts and it makes things even worse. This cycle is one I know well, and it usually feeds on itself until I give in physically, mentally or both.
This usually means a panic attack, which is something I dread.
In response to my growing stress and increasing pain, I spent some time jotting down this poem. It’s a bit random in places, sporadically jumping from problem to problem, but that’s a reasonable reflection of my scatty life.
I hope everyone is coping well with these same things we’re all worried about. The media is sending us bad news all day, throughout the day, and for me it’s getting pretty tiresome. I made the decision to turn off my notifications, so if you’re finding the same problem you might want to try it.
Anyway, here’s the poem…
**********
Coping
Many things are needed
To get me through a day
Self hatred is a favourite
Internal dialogue mainstay
How do you keep smiling?
When broken in and out?
When other people need you?
To help them with their doubts?
Your pain pulls on your muscles
It grits and grinds your bones
Missing parts behave as phantom
Your mind has creaks and groans
The help offered feels so paltry
Mobility aids depressing
When what would really help you
Is a maid to do your dressing
You’re pitied in your wheelchair
Smacked around with coats and bags
Sitting level with many arseholes
Will often make you gag
Your head is also grinding
As pain makes toughness fade
Mental health is in your past
Anti-depressants provide the shade
Two seconds in the morning
Is all you get pain-free
Then nerves transmit the aching
You stiffen like a tree
Reams of lists are written
Reminders of your tasks
But how will you complete them?
No one ever asks.
Bedtime comes round slowly
A chance to rest and charge
your batteries, mind and body
And forget the list that’s large
But you’ve forgotten, ain’t you?
Your brain never shut’s down
Sleep is not your friend each night
The only thing you do is frown
After hours of scrolling on your phone
Your brain finally gives in
You pass out, exhausted, at 3am
And shut down the internal din.
3 hours later, wide awake
The cycle starts again
Your eyes are heavy, brain more mashed
“I’ll try and rest later then”.
But loaned rest isn’t possible
You never catch up right
Your bones and muscles follow suit
No recuperation is in sight.
For me it’s only happiness
that blocks out all these troubles
My cheerful kid is all I need
To see past any struggles
So when she’s back at school next week
I wonder how I’ll cope
Without her smile and belly laugh
To stop me slipping down the slope
I’ll miss you my girl more than she knows
I’ll resent engulfing silence
Even though she’s 5 years old
Her questions are my guidance
So if you’re feeling lonely
And it impacts all your pains
Don’t forget they’ll be home soon
draining your energy that remains
Use your alone time wisely
Recharge your power packs
Sit back and let your body rest
Feel weightless and relax
I don’t have all the answers
To keep us going on
But I know how hard it is to live
In pain and isolation
I’m here to talk and listen to
Anyone with chronic pain
Whether it’s your body hurting you
Or thunder in your brain
So please do not feel lonely
Don’t live with pain and mope
Make a call, talk to a friend
Find a way to have some hope
Take your meds when needed
Use heat or compressed ice
Recover well, and start to heal
Prepare for pains next bites
Winter will be tougher
For anyone alone
For those who ache throughout the day
With heads that moan and groan
So , how can you keep smiling?
When broken in and out?
When other people need you?
To provide your love throughout?
Do all the things I’ve mentioned
Stay in touch with friends
Rest, relax and take a break
On this, your mind depends
**********
Like I say, it jumps about. But…’Crap Poems’ was never about perfection or feeling accomplished as a poet. I don’t want those things and I certainly don’t have the ability. This continues to prove that creativity can be fun and there’s no need to do something exactly or to perfection.
The only requirement is to enjoy it.
For more creative ideas you can try my pages ‘Stress Hacks‘ and ‘Creative Coping Strategies‘. There’s lots of information and ideas to try.
Thanks for reading!
Creative Steph 