This weekend marks Fathers Day here in the UK, and as my partner is such a hard-working, caring, involved parent and boyfriend, we use it as a great opportunity to celebrate him and thank him for…well, everything.
I’m sure many of you will be doing the same.
But for most of us these celebrations are tinged with some sadness. Parents who have passed on, fractured relationships, estranged parents and so many other situations sometimes make these days a reason to ponder, feel some sadness, remember and be thankful for very different reasons.
So, I have written a fathers day poem in an alternative way that I hope will express some of the differences we all feel from what the Hallmark cards seem to think the day is all about.
These holidays aren’t just a commercial opportunity to rinse the public of the few pennies they have left just to buy a card and some wrapping paper. Many of us are feeling some grief at this time (and all the time), and in some ways these celebratory days just magnify it.
I hope you enjoy another ‘Crap Poem’, that (for the first time in this series) comes a little bit from the heart.
**********
Mad
As a kid we were told
a ‘mum’ and a ‘dad’
is the norm in a home
other setups are bad
But parenting’s hard,
as is being a child
although my young temper
was actually mild
So I messed things up
because I was a kid
but I can’t understand
the things that YOU did
There’s no forgiving
mistakes that were made
the things that were said
the part that you played
But the gap from your absence
left a space to be filled
and in place of a father
real family could build
Trust in myself
and faith in my chance
to become a human
with a world to enhance
I’ll never know
your belief in me
but my frustration and rage
one day were set free
A devoted, strong carer
helped rebuild devotion
Mum and daughter alone
feeling every emotion
And although you left
she stayed behind
and when I faltered
she was nothing but kind
A grazed knee at the park
a nightmare in bed
my first real heartache
she soothed my pained head
So the anger and sadness
we tried to forget
in place an attachment
a bond so deep-set
Even now she’s departed
and I’m now the parent
my love for her
remains fully inherent
So this fathers day
when tears for you fall
I’ll remember my saviour
who remained the long-haul
She may not be ‘Dad’
she didn’t bang her drum
but I know her worth
as a wonderful Mum.
**********
Obviously dedicated to my own mum, but also dedicated to all the pained parental relationships that cause strain on days like this.
Family doesn’t have to be formed by your bloodline or the people you’re born with. Family can be whoever you want. The people you value, that give you the love and support you need to find yourself and love yourself and give you the opportunity to do the same for them.
Families are complicated, but can also be wonderful.
And before I’m torn apart for the title ‘Mad’, it’s the common term used for parents who perform both roles, or the collective term for both Mum and Dad. I eulogised my Mum as both parents at her funeral all those years ago, and I still regard her as such.
Happy Fathers Day, however you mark the day.
Creative Steph 