Crap Poems Part 6 – Sleep

Welcome to another Crap Poem.

This time I’ve chose to do another rhyme about my lifetimes journey through sleep and what often happens when I’m awake at night and in pain.

I even wrote it during a sleepless night, for added authenticity!

Sleep is such an important aspect of rest and repair for every living human, but so many of us find it an enemy rather than a helpful tool. In fact, if we’ve got something on our mind, a good nights sleep is the first thing that seems to be destroyed.

So I wrote about my experiences with it, and I imagine many of you will understand how I feel…you might even have the same problems feeling pain amplified, both in your body and heart.


Crap Poem – Sleep

In bed I’ve slept a thousand times
I’ve loved, I’ve eaten, I’ve cried
But now in bed I lie awake
And feel deep pain inside

Through the numbing darkness
I watch the sky
As stars and planets
Drift slowly by

From midnight ‘til 5
I’m more alone
Than I’ve ever felt
In my family home

My pillow is soft
The duvet is light
But neither will aid
Deep slumber all night

So what can I do?
When my eyes won’t close?
There’s nothing left
But to feel so morose

I remember the people
I’ve lost from my life
I remember old breakups
Teenage trouble and strife

I remember the shame
I caused without care
And left my poor mum
With huge burden to bear

I remember the moments
I hid my deep fear
With mourners at funerals
Giving sympathy, insincere

My time in the darkness
Repeats every death
In flashbacks so clear
Changing with every breath

The morphine wears off
And the codiene does too
So my pain is distracted
By memories of you

And my fear of the dark
Has changed much this year
To a fear of lost sleep
Space where memories appear

I’d live with stiffness
I’d suffer the pain
If it gave me 5 minutes
To see you again

But I can’t get that deal
Even through the devil
He must be the source
Of pain at this level

We all need the time
To remember those passed
But why can I only
Recall our last?

You were so much more
Than dying and death
You’re a life filled with joy
Millions of breaths

So when darkness engulfs
And I’m forced to see it
I force something back
Refusing to feel it

When the sadness fades
And brain pain starts fading
I shove in happy times
With our laughter cascading

For everyone lost
There are moments to keep
Even in the darkness
When desperate to sleep

So thank you for being here
While I’m awake in the blue
I know if you could
You’d lay awake with me too


Unsurprisingly, when I’m awake my pain and my grief take over and last night, this Crap Poem was the result.

I need to do something more jolly, don’t I? Next time I’ll write something in the daylight – I’m more likely to show some laughter and happiness then.

Thanks for reading!

Published by stephc2021

Hi! I'm Steph, an amateur writer and illustrator specialising in Mental Health and being a self-confessed Spoonie. My website is home to any successful fiction I create, with stories that have won so far covering difficult subjects such as baby loss and mental health in grief as well as some funny and heart-warming tales when I get the inspiration. Every drawing and picture on my website was created by me. I spend a lot of time coming up with illustrations to accompany all of my posts and pages. I try to create original content across all of my channels, whether I'm writing about my own fiction or just generally musing on mental health or my own issues. I want to be part of the change because I believe the understanding of MH in the UK is getting better, but has a very long way to go. By being honest about my own struggles and symptoms I think others will relate and hopefully it will encourage them to talk to someone and get the help and support they need. Long term my goal is to help children too, help them understand their own mental health and how to help with the mental health of those around them. I live in the UK with my partner, daughter and dog, I swear frequently and I adore a well made, traditional, gooey, chocolatey, delicious brownie.

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