Humility

I’ve been searching for some time to find the right way of explaining how important it is to pay it forward, to be kind to your fellow man, and to understand the plight of others while hoping they’ll understand yours in turn.

The term ‘humility’ seems to have several definitions when I look it up online

Merriam Webster says Humility is…

: freedom from pride or arrogance : the quality or state of being humble

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/humility Accessed September 2022

Oxford Langauges for Google says Humility is…

the quality of having a modest or low view of one’s importance. “He needs the humility to accept that their way may be better”

Google search for ‘Humility’, accessed September 2022

Cambridge dictionary says Humility is…

the quality of not being proud because you are aware of your bad qualities.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/humility, accessed September 2022

Although the descriptions are quite different, for me I’ve translated it as having qualities that make you humble, and that’s why I think humility is so important.

Growing up humble

I was raised in a house where, although I seemed to be spoilt, the level of gratitude I was trained to have for everything I was given, was pretty huge. I understood there were other children who weren’t as fortunate as me, others who were ill, poorer or working through trauma, and I should be thankful that, in that moment, I didn’t have the same struggles to worry about.

So as a parent, it’s no wonder I try to drill the same values into our child. I want her to be grateful for her luxuries, and not become someone who expects the earth for nothing. In my opinion, there’s nothing more unpleasant that a kid who expects gifts and asks for toys constantly. I want her to appreciate time with people who love her, rather than see it as an opportunity to gain things.

We’re all learning for the future and children who understand there is a value to ‘stuff’ as well as a value of family, friends, love, care and smiles that is so much higher, are more likely to find it easier to be humble later in life.

Humility in crisis

Like so many other families in the UK and around the world, this is a difficult period of time both emotionally and financially. We want our daughter to have everything that makes her happy and to enjoy the events and days out that will be in her memory for a lifetime. Problem is, with the current energy crisis and the rising bills we’re having to juggle, it’s impossible to give her anything at all.

That’s probably the only benefit of this crisis – having no choice about the limitations of our frivolity. There’s simply not enough money.

I’ve taken this as an opportunity to explain to our daughter the reasons we need to be humble. I talk about how important it is to be grateful for who we are and what we already have right now, but she normally stares at me blankly and walks off favouring Bluey or a Disney movie.

It’s not easy to explain this stuff to kids, and as parents we’re riddled with nothing but guilt when we can’t give them what they want. But it’s important they understand gratitude, selflessness and past fortune so they grow into adults who continue to spread the word.

Pride in who you are isn’t a dirty phrase, but when you consider yourself better than others it feels dirty to me. We’re all equal, and this crisis will force us all to reflect on what we already have and how lucky we are to have it. Sharing the crisis with the rest of the country means there’s an understanding of severely tightened belts, difficulty covering the basics, and huge stress at juggling it all.

That humility my parents taught me all those years ago (35 I guess) is now reminding me that while we weather this storm I need to give thanks for what I already have, because it’s priceless. Everyone around us is in the same financial mess so an understanding nod, hug full of care and shared time together have more value than ever.

We can be equally rich in different ways.

Humility reflected

Sadly, there is a tangible effect when someone doesn’t show any humility towards a fellow human.

I might be over-stretching the term here, but I’ve come across people who seem to lack the trait, and it’s shown when they talk down to me, scoff at my difficulty walking and fail to give me the same treatment as the next human when I don’t have the cash or resources to meet their needs, whatever they are.

If a telephone operator is patronising because you’ve asked for clarity of information, you could end up feeling stupid.

If a shopper rolls their eyes at your trolley full of the cheapest nappies, dog food and toilet roll available because you’re strapped, you could end up feeling worthless.

If another customer at a hairdressers sighs because your child has questions about EVERYTHING, and won’t just be quiet, you might feel like you’re not being a good parent.

If your colleagues laugh at you because you made a mistake when speaking at the company meeting, you could end up feeling ashamed.

All of these examples show a person who has struggled with something, but is met with negativity from another person. They make you feel they are cleverer, richer, better parents, and better at the job than you are. This is a total lack of humility, and as someone who has all these experiences in her past, I hate knowing it happens to others too.

Actually, in all cases, if those friends, colleagues and strangers had shown a little humility it’s likely we’d feel far better about the situation. Understanding, sympathy and kindness show you have the trait, so why are some people finding it hard to do? Why do some people automatically turn to ridicule, judgement and anger before considering concern, kindness, help or decency?

It’s a shame we live in a world full of judgement, but if nothing else, I hope the incoming financial emergency will help us to re-evaluate our way of communicating and our gratitude for how lucky we’ve been so far. In turn, if we could reflect that by having more empathy for others, understanding how they are thinking and feeling, we’d be living in a much kinder world.

My humility

I’ve always unconsciously considered myself a level-playing, considerate, kind and thoughtful person. I don’t immediately judge people and I spend most of my days wishing I’d realised how lucky I was when I had other people in my life who are now gone.

In a way I’m lucky because my agoraphobia excludes me from the social situations most people face so right now at least, I’m not going to have to deal with them.

Because I avoid talking, the few conversations I do have (all with professionals such as a doctor or our energy supply company) seem to be incredibly negative. I only make contact when there’s some sort of problem I need to navigate, and most people I talk to are so over stretched, so short staffed, and so rushed that they leave me feeling unvalued and thoughtless for having the nerve to bother them.

But I can’t change how other people react to me, I know that.

What I can change is how I act towards others, and in line with that idea I make a concerted effort to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ whenever I speak with someone, even if it’s a stressful or fraught conversation. I don’t know how their day is going, and there’s nothing to be gained by being rude back and assuming these people are simply arseholes. So I try to be polite and show my own empathy, even when I’m not receiving it.

I also have a responsibility to teach our child about humility, empathy and good manners. As Whitney said…’I believe the children are our future’…they are, so we need to ‘teach them well and let them lead the way’. I don’t want my daughter to exist in a vacuum of anger and resentment from her fellow man, and I don’t want her to treat others that way either. So the values of my own parents will be passed on to the next generation in the hope that, throughout her life, our daughter will want to have a positive impact on someone’s day, not ruin it by failing to show humility.

The picture

I chose another Instagram DTIYS image for this post. This time it’s a beautiful picture of a girl releasing love hearts from a bottle. It’s a simple message that conveys what I’m trying to get across in this post.

If only everyone found it this easy to spread some love.

Thanks for reading 💜