***Trigger Warning – This post will talk a little about child loss and miscarriage. Please consider if you feel able to read on before continuing. For help and support with grief, please visit my get support page where there’s lots of information and ways to engage with help***
To keep myself feeling cheerful I use the media constantly. Even writing this post now I have a cheesy Christmas movie on in the background. When your mental health feels low, sometimes cheerful background noise is needed to keep the sadness at arms length. It helps me stay focussed, weirdly. The sound of z-list celebrity voices is far more appealing than the angry voice in my own head.
But I run out of ideas all the time. There is almost too much choice available to us today, with hundreds of channels to choose from at any moment. It’s a far cry from the 4 channels I survived with as a kid. I wonder how on earth we managed 🙄.
It’s therefore not unusual for me to dive into a new show with little knowledge of what it’s about. I use the synopsis available via our Sky Box, and sometimes the word-of-mouth online and recommendations from my partner. Suffice to say the television I’m always looking for needs to be bright, fun, engaging, and interesting. I’d rarely choose to watch something heavy or upsetting, especially if I’m on my own and/or experiencing a dip in my brains happiness. I have to be aware that, no matter how popular the latest crime domentary on Netflix is, it’s going to have upsetting content, and that upset will rub off on me.
With the recommendations I hear and the overview of the programme on the TV, I am usually pretty successful in finding something I can listen to while I write or watch, fully engaged, as a distraction WITHOUT having the symptoms of mental illness triggered.
However, I’ve failed to get it right recently and found myself watching a show dubbed a comedy (or possibly dramedy) that included upsetting scenes of a couple losing a baby, followed by their childs remembrance service.
I’ve talked many times about the multiple miscarriages we experienced, followed by the stillbirth of our first daughter – the anniversary of which is coming in a matter of days. I had no desire whatsoever to be slammed back into the memory of those moments while I was trying to distract myself from an incredibly difficult time of year for our family. But I was shoved there without warning.
The show is called Mammals, with the lead actor being someone I’ve always enjoyed watching – James Cordon – I genuinely believed I was in safe hands, even though the reviews weren’t great on Amazon.
Note – I’ll just take a moment to acknowledge the negative character that has been reported about JC. As someone that’s watched him for the best part of 15 years, right back to the days of Gavin and Stacey, I like to ignore the press and hope a monster hasn’t really been created. I always believe there’s good in humans before any evil. Saying that, I also know there’s rarely an ember seen without something smouldering underneath. So, for me, the jury is out, but I don’t condone the behaviour that’s been reported. I just don’t know if it’s true and I don’t know what to believe.
Anyway, as I say, I’d seen mixed reports about the series on Amazon Prime, but all of them mentioned this is a comedy about a man who finds out his wife has been cheating with multiple people. The ‘comedy’ unfolds from there.
There’s nothing to warn me of impending upset or sadness, no reason for a quick reviewer to talk about the child loss that forms the opening scenes of the series. So the onus falls on the production company to warn watchers about what’s coming. They should have warned me that potentially upsetting scenes were on their way, and given me the choice to continue. They didn’t.
Herein lies the problem.
Actually, there’s every possibility there was a VISUAL warning before the programme started. A couple of standard, pre-written sentences covering all eventualities. The problem is I wasn’t looking. Like to many of us today, I’m rarely watching the TV intently, in fact it’s far more likely I’m typing, drawing or catching up on the crap on my phone. I am LISTENING, not watching, especially at the opening credit stage.
As a result of my phone based distraction I heard the start of their baby loss journey when it was too late. The words ‘I’m bleeding’ shot through me in an instant, and in the same microsecond I remembered saying the same words to my partner 4 times, all with horrific outcomes approaching us.
That moment caused me a series of flashbacks and several days of hauntings that I was actively trying to AVOID, all because the trigger warning (if there even was one) was only visual and NOT audible. If I’d heard a warning I would, without question, have moved to another film or series. Instantly.
This isn’t a new problem. In fact, going back 15 years or so, I can remember accidentally watching a show where a woman was dying of lung cancer, with my mum sat next to me having just started her chemo. Mum silently went straight to bed, clearly upset by the visual of a few seconds showing a woman on her deathbed. But if I’d known it was coming then obviously I would have switched to Only Fools and Horses before she’d noticed a thing.
All these years have passed and the potential for the media to cause mental distress is just as possible as it was back then. Actually, moreso, because there are so many programmes to choose from.
It’s time to act more responsibly and offer up warnings about anything that could be triggering in every way possible. Yes, that includes a visual and audible warning, and sign language should be considered too. With so much programming available producers have a responsibility to think carefully about their content and the diverse background of the millions of people watching. Whether you’re covering war, death, racism, sexism, homophobia, the right to choose, bullying, drug use, murder, abuse, rape, slavery, opression, kidnapping…these subjects don’t just have the potential to cause a bit of upset or have a minor impact. They can cause depression, flashbacks, anxiety, sickness, physical pain and, at worst, very dangerous thoughts.
Surely putting more robust warnings in place would be easier and fairer than being the cause of so many unhealthy triggers?
How do we make upsetting media safer?
In my opinion this is one of those occasions where the people who can make a reasonable adjustment, actually an easy adjustment, are just burying their heads in the sand. Production companies understand the need for trigger warnings, but have failed to realise there are lots of reasons they should be seen AND heard in as many ways as possible. Unless you are specifically reading content, like you are with this post, it’s unlikely watchers are even bothering to look up and read the critical warning I wish I’d seen last week. We’re too busy looking at phones, wiping coffee tables and helping kids with homework to be bothered with watching the mundane opening credits of a show.
In the case of Mammals, I’ve now completed more research and amongst the varying reviews, there is also mention of miscarriage. Again, if I’d read these I would never have started the series.
While the people responsible catch up, all I can do is offer my tale as a cautionary one. If you are watching something new, if you aren’t 100% sure of the safety of the content, do some research before you dive in head first to potential flashbacks and sadness. Look up reviews, read the overview online, and watch the start carefully so you see and read any trigger warning offered, if it’s there.
Thankfully, all this has made me think carefully about my own trigger warnings on this site. I go to great efforts to warn people about upsetting content BEFORE they read on, but I’ve decided I could do more to make the warning clearer. From here on in I’ll be using a picture ‘trigger warning’ next to the text in the hope it’ll make things even clearer and less dangerous for anyone visiting my website. On top of this I’ll include links to my support page WITHIN the warning, so visitors can find help quickly if they need it.
For me, the most important factor in what I do here is making sure people find the help and support they need quickly. If reading my lived experience of mental illness and chronic pain is helpful, that’s great and something I’m really proud of. But I also recognise it’s more important you find support that works rather than be forced to read something you might find upsetting. That’s why I provide links to resources and charities that can help quickly.
My priority is helping. It’s time for the media to think the same way and act more responsibly towards it’s viewers, their needs and their mental wellbeing.
The picture
I had to create something straight out of my memories for this one.
This image of an old-style television with its fake walnut veneer, analogue controls and wobbly arial at the top, is exactly what I sat in front of 35 years ago. The static from the screen is something I can only remind you of, and the wallpaper, thankfully, wasn’t so harsh at home.
The 80’s was a simpler time, but that doesn’t mean television shows didn’t need trigger warnings.
Thankfully the remote control was invented, and when I do see a warning I can get rid of the incoming pain in an instant.
Shame the weight of my Christmas food intake can’t be lost so fast.
Thanks for reading 💜
Creative Steph 