Somewhere in the last few weeks I managed to move up the age scale to 42. Fourty-fuckin-two. Now, I’m someone who tries to promote body positivity and age positivity should go hand-in-hand with it, but for myself these rules of engagement don’t apply.
Is it a bi-product of mental illness and low self esteem? Maybe. But, long story short, I am old and I don’t want to be.
As part of my minimal indoor birthday celebrations, I took a moment to reflect on the last year by taking advantage of this blog and reminding my crappy memory of the things that happened.
While it looks mainly morose with my physical and mental symptoms worsening, there are nuggets of gold that remind me sometimes it’s ok to age, and even better if you can do it a bit disgracefully.
Nope, I’m not going to use this post as an opportunity to publicly reflect on the ups and downs of the last 12 months. Instead, I’m going to pay my findings forward. What shiny nuggets from the last year can I pass on to you to try?
First is journalling. I know not everyone documents their life the way I do, but even with this blog available to me I still write a journal to remind myself of the more personal moments I won’t share. Being able to look back over time at the things you’ve dreamed about, managed to do, managed to fail at, achievements, sadnesses and joys, is a helpful reminder that life isn’t just passing us by. Life is actually happeneing all the time and we’re often missing it because we’re focussing on time itself rather than the events within. Journalling, diary keeping, notebooks, whatever you call them, give it a go.
Second is the health service, and a reminder that whatever your medical need is and regardless of wait times, here in the UK the NHS is a service that is designed to be FREE AT THE POINT OF ACCESS. If you need help mentally or physically, then please don’t delay, contact your GP, the 111 service or other appropriate provider and get in the queue as soon as you can.
Third is the importance of social networks. As somone whose social contacts have reduced to a dull nub, and after we all experienced social isolation as a result of multiple lockdowns, it’s never been clearer that we need to have contact with other humans to keep our soul singing. Being supported and providing support to others gives us worth, empathy, and reduces isolation. If you’ve grown distant with someone you love then please pick up the phone and reignite that social fire. Being alone is no joke, and it’s believed to trigger many serious long-term health conditions. Covid is now in the past (apparantly), so lets take advantage of our freedom now before another pandemic takes us by surprise.
My final tip garnered from the last year is the importance of environment. It might seem like an odd thing to write about for someone who hasn’t left home for over 2 years, but I’ve never been more aware of the importance of the outside. Through my conversations online with other Long Haulers, I know that being outside has helped with their symptoms and sense of well-being. For creatives, the outside world is an endless source of inspiration and provides a calm place to put pen to paper, so to speak. And if you’re also agoraphobically challenged, like me, and wonder how nature and the outside world apply to you, then simply open your window, close your eyes and listen. Birds, trees rustling, car horns, kids laughing – all these sounds came through my window and gave me a flicker of inspo that became a tsunami.
So yeah, I’m older, but I’m not wiser and in many ways I feel I’ve taken huge strides backwards. But this blog and my personal journal have proven it’s not all bad, and although things aren’t perfect, I’ve still harvested some diamonds of joy in the last 365 days.
I now ask myself regularly – Whose life is perfect?
Beyonce maybe?
The picture
I recenly joined the Procreate Folio site and uploaded a shit load of my artwork to try and feel like I belonged in the community. It didn’t work, I don’t feel good enough, but I did find some awesome artwork created by others.
Inspired by a seamless, tidy, beautiful piece I saw there I created this ’42’ in the clouds.
Feel like that’s where my head lives, so why not my age too?
Thanks for reading 💜
Creative Steph 