When you lose something or someone that you value, grief lies ahead. We often associate grief with the living, but it would be more accurately associated with loving.
Grief can exist by association too. Just because you didn’t know the person who passed on, doesn’t mean you won’t be effected by it.
For me, grief is just like the school bully that won’t stop flicking gum at your hair and tripping you up in the dining hall. I wish it would just leave me alone, but it’s waiting for me around every corner.
While I’m tired of feeling low because of love and loss, I also wonder who I’d be without it. Where would I be without it? What would I be without it?
How would I be without it?
It’s fair to say that death, betrayal, and endings in general are a heavy load to carry, but when you’re a bit more unbalanced it seems that you never overcome them, and at times it makes me envious of others who can.
My mum died with me sat beside her over 12 years ago, but I still struggle to talk about what happened without reliving the end in HD clarity. It hurts. Deep. The same when I had to deal with losing my father, miscarriages, our first daughter and even my beloved cat. I never talked through any of those losses and because I’m still so unstable and lonely, I find it really difficult to open those boxes and feel safe with the resulting emotions.
When I’m at my lowest, these are the people I beg to return. A stupid miracle, I know, but what else is there when you’re desperate?
Lately though it’s the non-living losses that are making me sick. Not being able to run any more, losing my slim figure, struggling to walk around the house, having no circle of friends, and losing any time where I’m pain-free.
Sometimes, honestly, I’m not sure why I keep going.
But this post isn’t meant to bring you down. It’s just a reminder that creativity has uses for a variety of mental health challenges. I know this because I’ve used my pain to write poetry. As I’ve always said, it won’t solve the problem, but it will help you take a safe step away from it until you feel less emotional.
Grief is the price we pay for love, and love is the price we pay for life. Possibly more certain than death and taxes, love will drown you sometime.
I’ve heard it said a million times that time itself is the healer needed, but I totally disagree. To get over grief you need to feel safe and loved. Having people around you that you can trust will mean you can talk. The more you talk, cry, laugh and remember, the easier it is to focus away from the sadness.
If you need to talk to someone about grief then I’m Mental Health Advocate for Cruse, the U.K. bereavement charity, and I know they can give free and confidential help. Visit my mental health support line page for more information.
Look after yourself and thanks for reading.
Creative Steph 