If you approached my partner and asked him the person that he thinks of as the worlds biggest worrier, he’d hand me the crown in a heartbeat.
A lifetime of unresolved anxiety has left me constantly confident that catastrophising every element of life is normal and sometimes necessary. Panic Disorder taught me these things – the idea that every negative possibility needs dangerous levels of analysis and anything positive can be ignored…because I don’t believe it will happen.
Paranoid, Worry Wort, Stressy Steph, I’ve had every moniker related to anxiety attached to me and I’ve never managed to shake them. Looking back, on the whole, it’s the negative outcomes that seem to happen most often, and most of the positive ones are shoved on a dusty shelf at the back of my head. I just find it easier to prepare for the worst, and I know lots of people (although not my partner) can relate to this. I’ve found that most of us know it’s not healthy to think this way, but the addiction to worry is harder to break than anything with nicotine in it.
My 30 year worry wanderings have led me to look at a variety of solutions to make the compulsion less enticing. Reframing my thoughts didn’t work, neither did positive affirmations or reading books on the subject, although these are all viable, healthy and recommendable options. They just weren’t right for me.
The only powerful distraction I’ve found that didn’t cost a fortune is the present. And no, I’m not talking about birthday gifts or flowers, or stockings of parcels from the man in red, I’m talking about NOW.
Jointly the most simple and difficult thing to achieve is being here, right now, in the moment. I’m hoping that you’re engaged with these words that I’ve written, and in a way that means that, right now, you’re present. But when you put down your phone or close your laptop, will you remain that way? If you’re like me then probably not. When I’ve finished writing this I’ll lose my concentration, look at my phone messages while I’m sat on the toilet and listening to the news, then I’ll put on a podcast while I try to concentrate on writing an email, then I’ll worry about my daughter at school and my mind will wander into the possibility of her having a bad day, being hurt or sad, and me not being there, then I’ll inevitably think about my health, worry about my mobility deteriorating, try and work out how much longer I’ll be on a wait list, I’ll think about my partner, feel like a burden, consider if he’d be better off without me…this cycle can go on for hours and it’s obviously exhausting, painful, and unwelcome. Sometimes these thoughts can be so upsetting that they drown me, and panic will quickly set in.
Conversely, if I manage to maintain the engagement I have with being creative by moving it to the moment, rather than everything that may or may not happen around me, then it’s likely I’ll remain calmer, thankful, hopeful and even (sometimes) positive.
Although the art of zen is something people spend their entire lives searching for, this gentle foray into being present represents part of zen practice. But don’t let that put you off or force you to believe that it’s hard to do. Like most things it requires practice, but quite quickly, with repetition, it becomes easier and easier.
Surrendering to the moment means you are fully attached and engaged with what you’re doing, and that doesn’t necessarily mean meditating or mindfulness. Again, they’re great, but if you’ve tried and failed then don’t let that scare you.
How many times have you played a game with your kids and checked your phone throughout? How many times have you talked to someone you love on the phone while washing the dishes or sorting the laundry? How many times have you been at a party but spent the evening worrying about something happening in another place and time?
Being present means removing the internal and external noise that acts as a distraction and focusing fully on the task at hand. Those games with our kids, phone calls and parties probably would have had memories worth banking if we’d been completely present, but we missed them, and that’s a real shame.
The value of NOW is technically priceless, because no money, no trade, no offer, will ever get it back. Surrendering to the moment and being an active participant in life shows the person you’re with that you truly care, and if you’re alone then you’ll start harvesting critical self-love, which is an invaluable and powerful tool over worry.
Thanks for reading 💜
Creative Steph 