It’s Christmas time, that’s for sure, but sadly there’s plenty to be afraid of.
As with every year, I found myself watching Christmas movies way back in November. Not only did they make me feel festive, they made me THINK festive too. But as the weeks flew by, and I gradually drudged through a pile of movies that got worse and worse, I found myself wondering if I was truly festive or just siphoning festive ideals from the television.
Surely Christmas is something that we should experience firsthand? So I wondered whether or not films and other festive television shows have a place in adding to the festivity or just make us passive to the fun.
There’s no question – for those of us who are isolated, living alone, living indoors, or struggling with external socialisation, movies and TV shows fill a massive void and it’s a chasm that’s difficult to replenish in another way. If you feel lonely, then you need something to focus your time on. If you feel lonely at Christmas, you either Scrooge up, and become ‘bah humbug’ about the season, or you have to search for the happy version of festive elsewhere. For me that means drowning in festive cheer via a screen. But 2 1/2 years indoors has made me focus a little more this year, not just on enjoying the festivities, but also understanding what it means to miss most of the fun others see as essential. I want to ensure that future seasonal enjoyment continues through my child with new traditions, tales of old traditions, and plenty of good memories.
This week I watched a mediocre Christmas movie, not Hallmark grade low, but not Universal speed high either. Somewhere in the middle. The movie, which I won’t name, had a couple of celebrities in it that I recognise, but on the whole it was actors who are either up-and-coming, or maybe passing the time with an extra job. You know the type of film I’m talking about – it serves its purpose by making things feel cinnamon-warm and shortbread-delicious, but it’s not particularly well rounded and the ending is incredibly predictable.
As I watched the film with a storyline similar to Scrooge, the protagonist spent 12 days in a groundhog of Christmas Eve trying to improve himself every evening by working out how he could be a better person, a better grandparent, a better parent, a better boss, and a better human.
The premise was standard. It’s the same cookie cutter story that I’ve watched maybe 10 times this year, but something struck me. In this film, after each of the 12 days, the man at the helm met up with a heavenly body who talked to him about what he’d learned. I’m just gonna repeat that – what he’d LEARNED. After watching those groundhog days a few times, I paused to consider what I have learned, but the pauses were short. I ain’t learned much at all.
But…Half an hour later, I was forced to pause again when the heavenly body repeated his question. This time the answer was slightly different, he hadn’t learned to be more kind, he hadn’t learned to be more generous, he hadn’t learned to spend more time with the people he loved, in fact he hadn’t learned any of the things I’m used to. Retrospectively it may have been the same message wrapped up in a different bow, but it still caught my attention. This time he’d discovered that what he wanted to leave behind was even more important than what he does while he’s present. Making sure that those important traditions, positive memories, and feelings of love stay available for the people that remain on the planet long after he’s passed.
And he didn’t just consider memories. He considered skills passing on, his hopes and wishes, and gifting feelings of joy that could continue for many years.
I paused for over an hour. I thought about how those hopes reflect on my life. Every Christmas when I sit with my daughter to wrap presents, write cards, make mini trees, eat gingerbread, watch movies, drink hot chocolate and all the other ‘traditions’ – am I deliberately leaving them behind for her? Yes, I’ll admit while my life is weird and I’m definitely not the parent I wanted to be, there’s no question I work hard to leave behind good memories. But that’s not all that he talked about. I haven’t passed on my skills, I haven’t talked about the things that I experienced in past Christmases that I enjoyed (and hated). I haven’t told her about the things that I hope for her, for our family, and for the people around us. I haven’t told her about my favourite Christmas song, and why I love it so much, I haven’t told her about my diary and what I write in it every year at Christmas. I also haven’t told her why I make her Christmas so strange and how I desperately wish I didn’t. I haven’t told her what I hope she’ll become, and how hard we work to make sure that she has better stability ahead than we had. Most of all, I feel that I haven’t passed on the good traditions that were given to me. It all made me sad.
Instead, because of the way my life has panned out, right now I pass on passive versions of Christmas through a movie, in a book and via ideas that I find online. I promote being more thankful and generous at Christmas because these things are all important, but it does feel passive.
The movies I watch truly make me feel warm, but they aren’t promoting the Christmas that I had as a kid or the Christmas that I want for my own child. I quickly realised I’m watching Christmas rather than living it.
With all that in mind, I have vowed to continue ploughing through these abysmal Hallmark movies until well into the New Year, because that is now my personal, cosy tradition. However, i’ve also promised to take time to talk to my daughter about what she wants, not in a gift, not from a shop, not from Santa, but for her future, for her family, for her life, for her friends, even for her dog. I’ve started to talk to her about traditions that she’d like to start, things she’d like to do at Christmas, promoting healthy relationships, having fun and being generous and kind, rather than just giving people a card and shoving a present through their door and feeling like we’ve done enough. Because let’s face it, in times of austerity, gifting is useful, but kindness has much more value.
I hope I can pass on something of use and when it’s time for me to talk about what I’ve learnt, I can honestly say my personal development has been valuable and transferred successfully. I hope to pass on the best of me and my past, not just plastic destined for landfill.
Thanks for reading 🌲 🌲 🌲
Creative Steph 