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This post will talk about mental illness, suicidal ideation and baby loss. Although there is no unnecessary or gratuitous detail, please only read on if you feel able to. For help and support with your mental health, please visit the mental health and suicide prevention support line page on this website. Thanks for visiting
****TRIGGER WARNING****
“Mum, can I have a puppy?”
“No!”
“Please! I swear I’ll look after it better than the hamster.”
“No! You’ll get bored of it, and I don’t have the time or the money. Now stop asking.”
As an adult who’d been denied pets throughout my childhood, I started gathering my own flock from around age 21. I’ve had rabbits, guinea pigs, cats and now a dog who I talk about on here often – Pepper.
Pet ownership isn’t just for fun. There’s an important caregiver/animal relationship that has to be nurtured as much as caring for the animal itself. But it’s a relationship that’s worthwhile and gives back 10-fold when you put the hours in.
Our health and our pets
When it comes to stress, anxiety, pain and overwhelm, animal ownership can be one of the best antidotes.
Studies have shown that just stroking a dog can promote the release of seratonin, dopamine and oxytocin. These hormones help to elevate mood and reduce anxiety, and the act of spending time with an animal often removes us from any stress or pain we’re struggling to manage. The same animal activities are also thought to reduce stress, with research showing that it can lower cortisol too.
Bear in mind these are hormonal imbalances that many of us use prescribed medication to regulate. It’s incredible that an animal can have a positive effect on the same functions.
Assistance dogs have been common within the visually impaired community for a long time, but the list of canine clients has now spread to those also needing hearing assistance, autism support and even emotional support. They visit people in care homes to help stimulate memories and happy feelings in dementia patients, and they do the same for children staying in a ward in a hospital.
Having a pet, whether it’s your own or on loan, is a tonic, and the research now proves it.
What have my animals done for me?
Our dog, Pepper, has saved my life. No exaggeration.
Still reeling in the wake of two miscarriages and a stillbirth, in 2015 I was in the worst crisis I’d faced so far. Alone, at home, and feeling desperate, I sat on the kitchen floor sobbing and ready to walk away from it all. I’m deliberately skipping the details to avoid triggering anyone further, but the desperation was real.
In that moment, our soppy dog, who’d spent the whole morning asleep on her bed, decided it was time to wake up, walk to the kitchen and put her paw on my leg. It’s a moment seared into my mind and still as clear as yesterday and although it was enough to make the sobbing much worse, the desperation was reduced. I don’t know how long she sat with me on the floor, but it was several hours until my partner came home.
Pepper seen me crying on numerous occasions during that period of our lives, and never lifted her head. She just sat quietly with my partner or on her bed, never wanting to interrupt our joint sadness. But on that day she knew SOMETHING, I don’t know what, and I’ll be forever grateful that she did.
And Pepper hasn’t been my only supportive pet over the years.
Pre-Pepper I was living alone after a divorce, and I managed to get custody of the cat. At the time I wanted to take him with me because I loved him. He had an aloof attitude, but was still affectionate and liked to sleep next to me. His purrs were loud in the morning as he sat on top of my pillow to try and wake me up for food. Overall he was simply very good company.
But leaving my old home was harder than I’d realised, and moving to a new flat where I knew noone and would spend all my time on my own was even harder. Thankfully he was always there to sit with me, and those hours spent alone, often awake all night, were never as harsh thanks to his company.
When I met my current partner he defected to his attention most of the time instead, but I loved that he’d approved of my new love, and allowed him into our home without a clawed swipe or hiss.
In both cases mentioned above I was in a situation where life was at it’s toughest and I felt more alone than ever. These animals, without ever communicating a word, were able to remove just enough of the anxiety to make life bearable again. It’s a trick many humans will never perfect, and it’s priceless.
Saying all this, there is still one huge drawback that I’ve never been able to overcome; saying goodbye.
As I discuss in some detail on my Our Grief page, losing a pet is one of the most difficult forms of grief and it can make it hard to justify starting the relationship in the first place. However, once the worst of the grief has passed, I’ve been able to remember not just what the animal did for me, but what I was able to do for them too, and I can only hope they felt as loved by me as I did by them.
Overall I hope I paid them back in love and affection for all the times they helped me. They aren’t paid for this job, it’s in their nature, and they deserve to be rewarded.
They’re gone but never forgotten.
Take care and, as always, thanks for reading.
Creative Steph 