Hi everyone, and welcome to my 57th Crap Poem as part of the COPE campaign.
First a disclaimer – I watch a lot of crap on the TV as a distraction. It seems, at the moment, I need distracting a lot.
One of my favourites (and my partners, although he’d deny it!) is MAFS. What’s MAFS? I hear you cry…no, it’s not my South East dialect telling you to do some number based homework, and no, it’s not a documentary on a new secret department of the military. MAFS stands for Married at First Sight, and the series I’m attached to is made in Australia, although there are UK, USA, New Zealand and many other versions to enjoy.
It’s a dating show where contestants first meet each other at the altar, then get ‘married’ at first sight, then we watch their marital bliss fall apart over about 12 weeks. It’s so eventful, disgusting and shocking that you can’t help but be engrossed.
After I was done with the last show I started thinking about the possibility of having a disabled participant, and how it would be managed for someone in a wheelchair. That got me thinking about the current toxic dating scene as a whole right now, and how hard I keep hearing it is to find someone in this digital ‘swipe’ culture. I felt relieved that I’m so in love with my partner, because I don’t think I’d be strong or brave enough to approach the dating scene as someone who now needs mobility assistance.
Stigma, vilification, biases and stereotyping seem to be everywhere right now, so fighting through all that just to get a first date feels like a huge amount of upsetting effort.
I wrote this poem while thinking about how I’d feel combining my old experiences of online dating with my new experiences of disability.
I hope at least some of it is relatable!
***********
Disability Dating
Humans each deserve some love,
at least that’s what I’m told.
So why am I still on the shelf?
Will I stay here ’til I’m old?
The truth is, though my pic is fine,
this app hides all my stains.
I’m sure they see my smiling face,
and know, somehow, my pains.
The swiping left or right or down
might get me to a date.
But how to tell them I can’t walk
just gets me in a state.
I lock my phone and close the app,
feeling so defeated.
Within a heartbeat there’s a ping.
Thank goodness I’m still seated.
“I love your smile, where are you from?
I’ll bet I know your sign.
Would you like to chat some more?
And maybe meet sometime?”
Although he seems a friendly guy
I reply with caution.
We’ve all heard of dates red flags.
Could this be a distortion?
My heated fingers belt out chat;
our online date progresses.
But I don’t say I’m disabled,
I skip all my distresses.
“It’s getting late, I need to go.
This feels like a good match.
I’ve got a feeling we’ll get on.
Do I seem like your catch?”
Don’t ask me if I’ll fall for you
or where we’ll end up next
When contact started hours ago
and all I’ve seen is text.
But how will I ever find love
when I throw in the towel?
I tap reply and say “OK”
my fear’s been disavowed.
Bedtime date thoughts end up here
while guys are rushing there.
Before we meet, before I fall,
will he see past my chair?
The date approaches, will I go?
My legs are feeling weak.
Will he judge my bendy limbs,
before I even speak?
Before the worry starts to set
I hear another ping.
“See you there, I’ll be outside.
My arm is in a sling.”
Who knows what baggage he will have?
Who knows how he will feel?
Who am I to stop the course
of true love being revealed?
“Ok, that fine. P.S. I’m scared,
I’ll be in my wheelchair.“
He says “No worries, there’s a ramp.
Can’t wait to see you there.”
“…and P.S. I don’t care.“
**********
I suppose, at the end of the day, what I’d want from someone new that I’m dating is the opportunity for ME to be seen before my pain, illness and mobility aids. Like I say, I hope a bit of it is relatable.
Remember if you need more distractions then there are more jokes on my Hold Humour page, as well as haikus on Haiku Hope, awful poems on Crap Poems and odd language in Weird Words. I also have a page dedicated to stress hacks and other ideas to try if you need a distraction within the COPE campaign section of this website.
Thanks for visiting 🌲
Creative Steph 