Despite struggling with the act of ‘getting it done’, I hate delaying. If something is on my list, if a new thing that needs to be done appears, if information is requested of me and it needs to be sent over…I want it done…
NOW.
I feel for my family at times. Every now and then (maybe once a week) they are living with a woman on a mission who needs everyone to pull together to get the house tidier / get the washing done / tidy up the toys / make the beds / help with the paperwork / get things ticked off the list.
It’s difficult to manage being so impatient when you live in a world with only a small amount of time available each day where you feel pain-free, alert and able. I’m incredibly lucky to have an understanding partner who really pulls his weight all the time, but you know how it is, there’s only one of you who remembers the things that aren’t daily dross. Cleaning the shower screen, getting the dust from the top of the door frames, cleaning the windows….the jobs that can easily be forgotten.
I remember those, and I’m militant when I feel able to do them because it’s my only shot, normally for some time. I’ve just had one of those moments – it’s 1pm on Saturday afternoon. I’ve done 15 minutes and I’m now back on the bed and in pain.
I’m so fed up of my impatience. I’m impatient over impatience.
I’m writing this blog because it’s important I get ahead and have new, relatable information to talk about, but it’s adding to my load at a time when I SHOULD be resting. I can feel it physically.
I’m currently knee-deep into 2 books that talk about the weight of these responsibilities, in a funny, relatable, relevant way – The Mental Load and The Emotional Load, both written hilariously by Emma.
I recommend them both, but I’m not sure it’s entirely a female load we’re talking about in our house now.
Impatience to maintain a home, work a job, bring up a child and manage your own dreams and aspirations has to be evenly balanced, regardless of your role within the house. Men and women are responsible and TRYING to do their part, in my experience it can be hard to get EVERYTHING done, and that’s where impatience starts to take over.
About 6 months ago I started morphing into my own mother, with phrases like “no, I’m asking you, how did it get there?” and “tidy this up, please.” and my personal favourite “why didn’t you just do it when I asked?”.
Impatience should be my middle name.
But it’s the relationship between impatience and my mental wellbeing that I’m more interested in. It would seem that the more I have on my list, the more things I have to be impatient about, the higher my anxiety is, and the threshold goes up with it.
And as my list only seems to get longer, crossing one item off seems to be followed by adding another 3, the amount of anxiety I have to endure just balloons. And it makes me tired and yes, irratable too.
What can I do to solve my impatience? How do I rest and relax (which I need to do in order to reduce the pain I experience) when there is so much pressing? How do I manage the expectations of others when it’s hard to understand I have severe limitations as to what I can manage in a day?
Learn to rest effectively, and I’m working on that as we speak.
I have to be honest. That’s all I have left. And I feel embarrassed that I can’t attend a virtual meeting tomorrow, for example. I know, deep down, I won’t be well enough because I’m already exhausted, which will impact my joint pain and swelling and I won’t put my best-self forward, which I feel is incredibly important.
So, remember, if you need to rest then you should, and no one should question that decision. You know you’re mind and body best – mental and physical health go hand in hand.
If you’re looking for ways to relax then my stress hacks page has loads of ideas.
Take care of yourselves and thanks for reading.
Creative Steph 