Bloody hell! Yes, friend. You are in the RIGHT place.
For the first time in a while I’m going to talk about something positive that I not only understand…I have it. I have ALOT of it.
In fact (serious statement coming) I had to hunt it down like an outcast lion searching for a lonely zebra. I knew it was out there, but shit me did I have to search for it. Every nook, every cranny, every knicker drawer and every dusty forgotten corner behind the telly.
I. Looked. Everywhere.
What am I talking about? Well, you know, because it’s in the title, my wonderful reader, (maybe one day a friend?), I’m taking about…
Now – note to all – this is not about religion or political belief systems. I deliberately don’t discuss these areas because I realise they can be very divisive. This website is an open, honest and (mostly) positive space I want everyone to enjoy, so I keep opinions and ideas like those to myself.
However, belief in hope, belief in yourself, belief in the future, belief if your partner, family, children, friends and even admired public figures and celebrities – these are beliefs I’m fully on board with.
I know, in the darkest brownie-filled cavern of my belly, that belief will likely be the thing that pulls you through. So it’s worth searching for it. It’s worth talking, thinking, researching and watching in the places YOU need, to find and build a belief system of your own.
Belief in hope, the future and other non-entities
If you’re struggling to find that confidence then it might be easier to find in things that aren’t tangible. So, forget yourself, forget friends and family. Forget specific people. Period.
Because, in my experience, PEOPLE have the ability to let you down and destroy that belief you’ve built (and sadly, they choose to do so every day) so instead…
Think about what’s out there in the ether for you. Some of the things you can’t touch but might help include;
- New Friendship
- Time to heal
- Healing in general
- Better things coming
- Hope for change
- The future
There are many more, but these are solid examples and I’m sure you can pick one to build on. Let’s talk about a couple of them.
You don’t need someone to tell you or help you to believe that better things will come. Listen, this life provides no guarantees other than the proverbial death and taxes, but if you BELIEVE that better things are on their way, that the darkness you exist in can become brighter, that the sadness will wane and a smile will one day return, then you’ve already won half the battle.
I’m not sure I believe in fallacies, it seems like a whimsical, fairytale way of living. But there’s nothing dangerous or unrealistic about believing things can change. Practically speaking, that belief helps your positivity and will gift you a happier demeanour. Bottom line – a happy person is more likely to effect change. They are better equipped to make change happen with the courage and drive to push things forward and alter the landscape around them, whether physical or otherwise.
Belief in change is simple and requires no input, but could create a chain of events that produces the shift in life that you need.
Belief in love might seem like it requires the input of another, but that’s not the case.
Love exists in the absence of people, sometimes the most important love we have and receive is from those who are no longer with us. That’s certainly the case here. Those people aren’t around you. They aren’t saying ‘I love you’ at the end of a phone call or visit, but you know it’s there, it always was and always will be.
And what about our beloved pets? I’d think myself even more insane if I started believing that my dog doesn’t love me, my partner and our daughter. She’s managed to keep me going at a time when I wanted to give up. Literally (more on this in my pet loss post). So I love her and I believe in the love she has for me, even when her farts and walks away, making me look like the culprit 🤣 .
Much like believing in change, believing in love opens you up to romance and a partner with mutual adulation. Of course, you’re welcome to approach a relationship in a negative and disbelieving way, and who knows? It may still come.
But do you want that long-term love, the person who’ll one day be evaluated by your nearest and dearest, the person who might choose to one day commit to you FOR LIFE, to meet you when you feel closed-off to the real thing? Surely a potential beau is going to mirror that behaviour? You may end up turning each other down when the life you could have built would have been the envy of every miserable, average, trapped couple around you.
And no, I’m not saying that you should choose everyone you meet, leave your heart open to further repeated aches because you chased a belief that every person you met was ‘the one’. Most people won’t be ‘the one’. But a true believer might end up making new, treasured friends out of people that didn’t end up being right for them full-time.
Not all dates have to result in love, lust and life-long partnerhood. You haven’t failed a date because you won’t love the other person (or shag them). Maybe you’ve made a totally different connection. Maybe you both had a great night anyway because you share a love for 90s house music and exchanged Pete Tong fuelled nightclub anecdotes for hours instead.
Finding ‘like’ instead of ‘love’ doesn’t mean it’s a failed venture.
Believing there is more, believing in possibilities, believing things will change, will open your mind to things not turning out as expected, whilst still being able to find the beauty in those unpredictable moments.
Belief in people
Let’s not do relationships again – I think I’ve wrung that j-cloth fully above.
But your family, friends and loved-ones offer you many more opportunities for faith. Even humanity as a whole can do so, although it can be hard to accept in a world with large-scale hate at its core.
But again, I’m not getting political.
I know many personal stories of broken families and painful separations where the partners who’ve split are both left broken. The failure behind them and the mess it created has left them with no faith whatsoever. Well, that’s what they say.
But in truth their belief in romantic love is what they’ve misplaced, hopefully temporarily. They no longer see the power in the belief that remains, sometimes the pain of the split has clouded their vision, but subconsciously their brain is keeping some trust going. What do they secretly trust? Their kids and / or the people around them.
They believe their kids will make them proud despite the divorce/separation in their past. They believe they can be great parents and give the children the best life possible, even if it is now as individuals instead of a team. They know, without hesitation, that the family who’ve been there through thick and thin will continue to provide that support regardless of the reasons the relationship ended. That’s their job, it’s always been their job, and you know, they knew, it would never change.
In some cases, the people I’ve seen without any confidence left for love, have been through horrible, harrowing, painful, unexpected relationship breakdowns. Sometimes the other person has changed beyond all recognition. They’ve cheated, regressed, relapsed, lied and / or crossed a line and understandably, trust has been completely eroded. But those same people weren’t ending our conversation on a sad or negative note. Without realising it, they ended by talking about the much-needed night out they’d just had, how they loved letting their hair down for once. One talked about the new nursery rhyme their child had learned and how he now talks animatedly about his first friends at school. How their family have rallied together to visit, help and support and how those events combined have made the pain of separation feel less sharp,
Sometimes positivity in people exists even when you’re too broken to see it.
Stephs belief in Steph
I always give examples from my own life because I think it’s always important to prove the theory.
I live in an empty, lost and mostly silent cavern. People know, it’s well documented, that I’m agoraphobic, I have severe social anxiety and my Tourette’s and panic disorder have made leaving home impossible. For now, at least.
No sympathy is needed and I’m not barking for attention. The fact is my family are dead and when my mental health declined and I distanced myself from others, they chose to give up trying. I don’t blame them. There’s no animosity there. My mental and physical health are complex and I struggle to maintain friendships. I really need them, but it’s impossible to achieve when you live amongst constant fear and paranoia. It’s a harsh reality, and although it’s very weird, I am slowly coming to terms with it. Because I have to.
However, one day I woke up and despite still feeling lonely and grief stricken, I found faith that I could change the landscape I was sat in. I slowly started finding things that made me feel useful, interesting, and productive. I built this very website under the belief that it would make me happy, that it gave me purpose and peace…and I was right.
And although finding your ‘bliss’ might be a rocky road, trial and error processes are just as important as the ultimate goal. Making mistakes and learning from them teaches us what helps and what we can mould to get to our version of paradise.
N.b. I’m not saying I’m in paradise, but I’ve had plenty of lower-than-low moments that have left me feeling dangerously down and desperate. Now, after my own trials and errors, I have moments when I remember those things that distract me and make me happy and SOMETIMES I manage to shift my attention to them instead. It’s a great distraction. It’s working for me right now!
Belief that happiness exists in strange routines or new hobbies is 100% acceptable.
Belief that nothing will change and you can’t effect change is not.
If you’re thinking all is lost and the road ahead doesn’t even exist, then give yourself some time to find things you CAN believe will effect change for you. Don’t sabotage your internal trust because you don’t think a solution exists.
It does, you just haven’t found it yet.
I’ve been obsessing about drawing roses for a while so I chose to believe that, despite their complicated form, I have the dedication and ability I needed to try, try, try and that finally left me with a picture I’m happy to show you today.
The candles depict hope, the dream catcher depicts the imaginary possibilities I want to harness and the roses depict beauty, all things I hope to find for myself one day
I hope find something to believe in too. 💜